“The relationship of parent and child, less noisy than all others,
remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship
“How often do we not see children ruined through the virtues, real or supposed, of their
parents?” As a parent, it becomes a matter of combined efforts for both mother as well as father,
to be equally responsible for the better future & better growth of their children. And for that, the
mutual understanding amongst parent & also being self-disciplined and self-responsible as
individual parent plays a vital role in better upbringing of their children.
After reading the following points, making appropriate changes in your own self will do wonders
on the path of better growth & better life of your children.
- Keep your children healthy. Seeing, hearing and feeling well are essential to learning. Kids
should go to bed at a reasonable time on school nights.
- PLEASE don’t send them to school if they are sick. If they are sick, and if they are send to
school, not only does learning suffer but also so do their social skills. They should not
made to go to school if they have a hacking cough or a thick, runny nose.
- Talk with your children. Talk naturally. Don’t use baby talk, no matter how young the
child. The more words a child can understand and say, the easier it will be for him /her to
learn to read and to understand. Never talk down to a child. If you use a word your child
doesn’t understand explain it to him and give him the proper definition. Look it up
together in the dictionary so he knows where to get help on his own.
- Listen to your children. Encourage them to talk about their everyday activities. Make sure
you give them the chance to initiate conversation during meals, in the car and on other
suitable occasions. Children will learn to express themselves if they know you will give
them your undivided attention. BUT if you are always distracted yourself like watching
T.V., talking on the telephone and being engrossed in chores, it will keep them from really
expressing their feelings. There is a say,
“It doesn’t matter how much time you spend with your child,
what matters is the quality of time you spend with them”.
Remember, it’s quality time that is important. Sit down and talk to them or at least lean
down to their level.
- Praise your children. Praise and recognition reinforces learning. Learning school skills, like
cutting and writing and learning their letters and numbers are new and difficult at first.
Reading is enjoyable but it is hard work for children. They need your support and
encouragement. Praise them when they succeed and help them when they are having
- Be patient with your children. Even though you work with them and help them with
homework, they may make the same mistakes many times. Don’t despair. Some experts say
that new learning sometimes requires more than 10 repetitions before it is absorbed. It’s most
important that you do not become angry or impatient, since learning cannot take place in a
tense atmosphere. If you find you are losing your cool, take a break.
- Read to and with your children. It’s a rare child who is not delighted to be read to by a
parent or older friend, but it is also important to read with them. The story should be their
choice, and yes, some kids like the same story night after night. First they listen and then they
memorize and then they pretend to read and finally they read by themselves. Let them make
the animal sounds or tell you the punch line. Use different voices for the different characters
in the story. Let them rephrase the story when you are finished. Explain difficult words to
them. Reading is not satisfying unless it is accompanied by understanding.
- Avoid comparing your children. Each child is unique. Some children learn faster than
others. If your child seems to be moving at a slow rate; don’t blame him or worry about it.
Each person learns at his or her own rate. Don’t make early comparisons for your children may
have yet untapped attributes and talents. They may be a late bloomer.
- Make family mealtimes meaningful and relaxed. Meals can provide the ideal setting for
talking together and sharing events of the day and discussing individual problems and dreams
and goals. In a secure family atmosphere, everyone should have a chance to express
themselves in friendly debates and on interesting subjects. Discussions help develop selfconfidence and encourage them to speak up for themselves. Do not have TV on during dinner,
as it interferes with this perfect opportunity for family communication.
- a]Do not let TV be your master or babysitter.
1o. b] Choose appropriate show on TV for them. Children learn a lot from television, both
good and bad. Help them choose appropriate programs to watch. Always watch a new
program first together. And then discuss it. “I’m sorry, I do not want you watching that
program again as I feel it is too violent” (or whatever you feel, like it has bad language or
wrong for their age or just inappropriate). This is a perfect time to stress your family’s values.
“I feel it is just not appropriate for your age and doesn’t stress what we are teaching in our
family.’ ‘ We don’t talk that way in our family.’ I notice when you watch those kinds of
cartoons you seem to get very wild and are hitting a lot.’
Remember, you are the adult; you need to be setting limits. Children should not be watching
hours of TV every day!
- Take your children places. Visits to nature and science centers, art museums, train
stations, airports, construction sites, pet shops, etc. will broaden their experiences. Children
need a whole range of diverse activities.
- Provide a wide variety of reading materials in your home. Children learn by example
rather than by precept. If you are reading and discussing books, they will want to read also. If
you have good books, magazines and newspapers readily available and in use, your children
will see that reading is a source of pleasure and information. It’s infinitely more effective for
your children to see you reading than to just tell them to read.
- Give your children books as birthday and holiday gifts. Children who have books they can
call their very own are motivated toward reading. The arrival of books mailed directly to your
children, with their name on the label, provides a strong inducement for reading. If they are a
pre- reader then sit down and read the magazine or book together. Treat them to a trip to the
book store and get a nice hard bound book related to their interests, a book on animals or
trucks or mountains or birds. Or get them an activity book or a children’s cookbook or hobby
or puzzle or joke book.
- Join and use the free public library. Take your children to the public library each week.
Help them get their own cards and select and take out their own books. Ask the librarian to
suggest good books to suit your children’s ages and interests.
- Teach your children to be independent and self-reliant. Encourage them to pick out their
own clothes and dress themselves, choose what they want to eat from several choices you
give them (“Do you want a cheese or tuna sandwich?”), help with chores around the house, be
aware that tasks need to be done (from conception to end) and to try new skills and new
things. Do not baby your children, or say “He’s my baby !” “She’s my little girl!” You want them
to grow up and be their own person. Doing everything for your preschooler does not make
them want to try new things at school. It does not help them grow into healthy adults.
- Its good to love them but worst to spoil them. Define that line for yourselves as well as
for them. If sometimes you need to correct them, see to it that message reaches right
through. Explain them while family discussions that your point of view. They should be
convinced that you will always wish good for them.
- Be open to their ideas, their views, guide them on proper path but do not try imposing
your ideas upon them.
There is a say by Kahlil Girban,
“You may give them [your children] your love but not your
thoughts. / For they have their own thoughts. / You may house their
bodies but not their souls, / for their souls dwell in the house of
tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”
Parenting is an art; it is difficult but not impossible. The art lies within; it’s just that we need to
redefine that for ourselves. And that’s absolutely necessary as that defines future of each
children not only academicals but also humanitarian.
The key to good parenting lies in beingMore patience than harsh,
Loving than pampering
Understanding and weighing than discarding [their point of view]
Doing [yourselves first] than only advising.
Setting an example for them rather expecting them to set it for you.
“The joys of parents are secret, and so are their grieves and fears; they cannot utter the one, nor
they will not utter the other.”
So, all the very best and happy parenting..